It’s 11:30am, I haven’t slept yet, and my best friend just told me she found an apartment in Toronto and will be leaving our town in Michigan to move there in the next few days.
I feel…I’m not even sure what frankly. More of a quiet sadness than anything. I know I should be happy for her, I know I will be happy for her as with this she’ll be leaving an abusive family environment and will be able to freely be herself finally, I know that, but right now I just feel sad that my best friend will be living 4+ hours away from me. She’s also the last best friend of mine to leave my town and now I feel like I’ll have no one. I mean sure, I have friends, but they are ones I see less frequently, they are not the kind of friends I feel comfortable just randomly dropping by their place, or calling them in the middle of the night to go on an adventure.
All of my close friends are now in places nowhere close to me.
I know, ultimately, that this is something that will help me grow. For a while now, in the back of my mind I’ve kind of had the thought that one of the reasons I haven’t been pushing forward in my own goals, is because I’ve been too comfortable. It’s easy to forget the realities and problems of your own life when you are happily spending time with a friend and devoting a lot of energy into helping them with their life. I know this. I’m the sort of person who likes to distract themselves when faced with problems, and I am very good at doing this. Too good. Using distraction to justify inaction.
Now I realize it, more fully than ever, that I have to take action. That my friends’ lives are moving forward and I’m getting left behind. It’s scary.
But, but, the possibilities are out there! There are so many things I can accomplish if I just set my mind to it!
Somehow, whenever I start writing with a pessimistic outlook, it ends up turning optimistic in the end…it’s not even on purpose…somehow, when I write it all down, I begin seeing that there are so, so many positive actions I can take, if I am just a bit creative and put in some hard work. That’s what I want this year to be about.
Now first I just have to conquer my insomnia and bring myself back to a normal sleep schedule… 🙂