Turn the Page

I’m a big fan of creating your own symbolic gestures. This year, to commemorate the end of 2020 and all the hardships associated with it, I’m inviting you to join in on one symbolic gesture I find especially fitting for this year. I invite you to write a letter to a person, institution, entity, group, or even a part of yourself that has wronged you in 2020, and then throw that letter into fire. Pour out every single drop of thought that you have towards said individual/group/entity, and then watch it burn up in flaming catharsis.

Unleash all the words you want to say, so that you can truly turn the page. Go into the new year knowing you no longer have to have those thoughts rolling around in your brain and suffocating your lungs.

Release them.

And, I mean, it’s always fun to light things on fire. 🙂 (Responsibly, of course).

Happy New Year everyone! 🙂

Word of the Day

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Setting Resolutions

Many people don’t set resolutions (even though they want to change) because they believe setting resolutions is pointless because they won’t fulfill them anyway. And to those people I say you’re exactly right: if you don’t believe it’s possible for you to change you absolutely will not change.

You have to believe. Not just think “Oh, that would be nice” or “I wish I could change (x)”. Before you change anything you have to first believe, to your core, that you are capable of making the change.

For years I wanted to lose weight and for years I treated that wish in a lukewarm way like many others do their resolutions like “Oh that would be nice, but it’s probably not going to happen.” And surprise, surprise it didn’t. Because my lukewarm thinking led to lukewarm action, which was really not much action at all.

It wasn’t until this year, after listening to one inspiring Youtuber in particular, did I begin to think it was possible, that I was capable of change. I sat with those thoughts for a few weeks, let them marinate, let them sink in until I felt in my core I could do this. And I started taking real action to make that change. And what do you know, half a year later I had shed 20 pounds.

The most transformational part of my weight loss wasn’t the weight loss itself – after all 20 pounds isn’t some huge number – it was the shift in my mindset. The realization of how much my self-doubt had been holding me back, and how much I could accomplish if I first truly believed it possible.

That mentality has led me to accomplish many more goals this year. Instead of feeling helpless and as though I am someone life is just happening to, I feel more in control of my life. It’s the difference between being in the passenger seat and the driver’s seat.

So, to anyone who wants to make a change in the new year, first believe you are capable of it. Because you are. Sometimes you may also have to fake that feeling first, you might feel it only shallowly. But keep affirming it, focusing on it, imagining it, and let it fill you up over time.

When you believe in yourself, you allow yourself to take control of your life.

Coffee shop

Steam from my deliciously bitter black tea
warms the tip of my nose
as I sit here click clacking in a coffee shop
on this gray 55 degree day.
I bask in the caffeinated aroma
of the liquid happiness underneath my nose
and the lofi music playing in the background.

It’s louder here than usual,
the cold weather a siren song
to coffee and tea lovers
Chatter flows almost up to the brim,
but there is still room for sugar and milk,
Hearty sweetness.

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Christmas in the time of Coronavirus

It’s the day after Christmas and I just finished my hazelnut coffee and am watching the snow fall diagonally outside my window. The cheerful yellow of the lemon candy I’m eating illuminates the muted color scheme that is my view outside. Over the past few days the bags under my eyes have grown from purse-size to duffel bag-size due to restful sleep evading me. But that’s okay, it’s Saturday, the day after Christmas, a day empty of responsibilities.

Tiredness might be weighing down my eyelids, but my spirit is uplifted, basking in the warmth and coziness in my small, little room. I didn’t have time to decorate really this year, but I did buy a small, tiny pine tree and draped some tinsel over my bookshelf and even just that little bit brightened up my room. 🙂

This Christmas season has definitely been different because of everything being closed due to the virus, but it has only inspired me to make use of the opportunities that I do have. For instance, I live in a suburb where quite a lot of people put up Christmas lights and decorations, so a friend and I have started going for walks in the neighborhood in the evenings to admire them (and get a bit of exercise!). And since I can’t spend time with my friends inside a restaurant or one of their residences, I’ve been having bonfires instead.

This year, I’ve been focused on taking things as are, focusing on the things that I do have control over, and keeping my expectations level with reality. For instance, long before December arrived I knew it was going to look different this year, I accepted that, changed my expectations, thought about what I could do to make this time of year feel special, and did those things.

Practicing gratitude has also been really helpful. Being sick this year has made me value my health more. Earlier this year, around March I had issues breathing and even walking (not due to Covid, due to very low iron in my body – oxygen wasn’t being delivered properly to my body). Since then, anytime something has gotten me down/stressed/upset I remind myself “At the very least I can breathe deeply. I can walk. I am not trapped.” I remember how awful it had been to be only able to breathe shallowly, how I felt like a fish out of water gasping for air, how trapped I felt because even walking around the house had me breathless, how I went to sleep at night being worried I would stop breathing in my sleep. I remember all that and then feel overwhelmingly grateful that I am not in that state anymore.

I can breathe deeply.